12 days on.....

I thought I would take 15 minutes or so out of my day and switch the computer on so I could let all of you know where I'm up to after the loss of my Dad. The funeral is not for another 5 days, but almost everything is organised now. We're going to the florist today to arrange the coffin flowers for Monday, and there's a couple of phone calls to make but most of it seems to be done now.

I'm actually starting to get time to myself now, to be upset or numb in my own time without having to snap back into 'I can't be upset because I'm organising everything' mode every time the phone rings or I have to call someone etc.

I probably had my biggest cry so far yesterday, up to now I've suppressed it so I could focus on everything. Myself and Jane had just gone to Manchester (30 miles away?) to pick up the wedding rings that we've just had made for our wedding in September, and I was driving us home. I was talking to Jane about whether or not you're allowed to show people the rings before the day (hey I've never been married before... this is all new to me!) and she said of course you can. And without thinking I said..

"So you mean I can show them to Mum & Dad?"

...and as I said the word I realised what I had said. My eyes filled up pretty much straight away and just wouldn't stop. I started to remember that I'd been talking to Dad all through the process of us having these rings made and I was looking forward to showing him them. And I know he was looking forward to seeing them. The realisation that I couldn't show the new rings to him had me in pieces. I think I'm going to get more and more of these moments as time goes on, especially now that I'm pretty much finished with the running round for everyone.

Anyway... I'm rambling on here a bit. Time will heal things and I know it will get easier. I'll still have more upset days, especially in the next few months I think... but I'm sure I'll be fine by September for the wedding. (even if Jane thinks it may be a bit close for me)

As for my painting/sculpting...

I'm starting to answer all the commission emails that have built up over the last 10 days (lots!) now that I have my computer back on, and I'll start answering any messages I've been sent on various forums I go to... I think this will take a couple of days judging by the volume of messages and questions to be answered. After that I'll get back to the custom heads and figures. I'll probably be in touch with people whose things I'm working on, so you should know if your piece is one of them. Obviously I'll have Monday off for the Funeral, but other than that and maybe a few other things that I have to do I should be relatively back to normal (if a bit slower) after tomorrow.

I want to thank everybody who sent me messages of condolence or support over the last week or so, I've scanned through a few of them and it made me smile. So thank you for that... it was really nice to read messages, sometimes from people who I've never spoken to and who have never spoken to me... they know me purely by my custom work, and yet they took the time to send a message... and that means a lot. So Thank You!

I'll speak to you all soon,

Darren

My Dad died last night......

Ok folks just a heads up, I'm going to try not to let it interfere with things (answering emails, painting etc) but my Dad died suddenly last night, so I may not be completely 'with it' over the next few days.

I got a call from my teary younger brother (28) saying I had to get to the hospital quickly, it was Dad. When I got there I was taken to the small room they have set aside for family members and had it all explained to me.

He'd had a massive heart attack, and they'd been working on him for about 50 minutes, had given him 8 cycles (I found out afterwards from Jane who does this for a living that a cycle is 2 minutes of compressions followed by a shock) so they'd thrown everything at him, but his heart was so damaged that it wasn't going to work. Eventually they gave us warning that they were going to try one last time and then if there was no improvement they were going to call it, which they eventually did.

anyway... other than the funeral arrangements, I'm going to have various family members calling me for details of how it happened and wanting to grieve (Dad had 2 sisters and a brother), and I'll have to figure out what's happening with his possessions in his flat... so I'll be quite busy for a while. And to be honest I'm finding it quite hard to concentrate at the moment anyway so even when I'm not doing all that... I may not be around much.

Having said that I may just get back on with things on Monday, I'm sure I'll speak to you all soon

Darren